Blog site address is unparallaxview.blogspot.com
Bound for adventure!
Paz
Friday, September 21, 2012
Pazlo & Butto; The Adventures Continue
Here's the idea for a blog site we can both author to. Additionally, we should be able to save drafts and possibly open one another's drafts to edit. We just keep adding pages ad nauseum...er...infinitum, and they'll be archived.
Blog site address is unparallaxview.blogspot.com
Bound for adventure!
Paz
Blog site address is unparallaxview.blogspot.com
Bound for adventure!
Paz
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Just had to say this site looks great.
ReplyDeleteThanks to all the guys at GWP Studios, Crescent Moon and Spirit for all the help.
Paz
ReplyDeleteMICK PAZLO IN
MAITRE'D MURDER
Male Indian voice:
Hello, welcome to Fastercard Customer service, this is..(shuffling paper) Mary-Anne (he pronounces the ”e”), how is it I am to be helping you today?
Why yes sir I am...(shuffling paper) Mary-Anne. Now what is it I can be helping you with your problem, what it is?
(Getting frustrated) Yes sir, I assure you that my name is (shuffling paper) Mary-Anne, can you tell what it is your problem Mr Deadbeat, I mean Mr Pay-ze-low?
PAZ (hangs up phone):
I wonder what's keeping Butto, I thought he just went downtown to get some breakfast burritos and it's almost noon!
CAR CRASH SOUNDS, SCRAPEING METAL, ETC.
PAZ:That must be him now.
DOOR OPENS/SHUTS
PAZ:About time. Where are those burritos? Mmm, I can taste the lemon meringue,bleu cheese, maple walnut, mackerel sushi, on two hickory smoked emu breasts in a rhubarb wrap. There's nothing like the Dolly Parton Special.
BUT: Burritos? I never got out of the parking lot. Some one parked their car in my spot, so I had it towed.
PAZ: In YOUR spot?
BUT:Yeah,it was a gold car with magenta and turquoise stripes, white sidewalls and a purple paisley surfboard tied to the roof.
PAZ: (aside about running over or hitting a surfer)
Wait a minute...THAT'S MY CAR!!!
(Glass shatters, outraged woman shrieking)
PAZ: What the devil's going on in there?
BUT:It's Buxley, her aunt Flo's paying her monthly visit.
PAZ: What?
BUT:You know, she's riding the cotton pony.
PAZ:(opens door) Buxly, this is an office not a rodeo!
BUX: Shrieks, glass breaks
PAZ: (closing door)That was close.
BUT:See, she's riding her menstrual cycle.
(Marsh enters)
MAR: Where's that secretary of yers, I gotta couple a qustions for her.
PAZ:You can't, her Aunts pony's riding a cotton unicycle.
All: What?! (Glass shatters).
MAR:Since I can't talk to yer secretariat, I guess I'll have to deal wit you.
PAZ:5 card stud, Jacks & deuces are wild
BUT: What the deuce are you talking about?
ReplyDeleteMAR:Whadda ya know about Dieder
Dankeschön
PAZ:Dieder Dankeschön?
BUT:Dr.Dieder Dankeschön the Dirgible dude?
PAZ:I remember, Dr Dieder Dankeschön's Durable Durigibles Guarrenteed not to pull a Hindenberg or your money back
ALL: Oh the Humanity, what savings!
MAR:No ones seen this guy fer two weeks, so ya better get on it while it's still hot!
PAZ:Marsh, that's disgusting!
MAR:Not as disgusting as what'll happen if ya don't get goin'!
PAZ: Aren't you coming Marsh?
MAR:I ain't got time to clean up yer mess Pazlo, I'm goin' on vaca... I mean I've got bigger fish to fry
BUT:We'll have to take my Citron
PAZ: NO! I mean I'll drive.
.
2 HRS LATER
PAZ:I can't believe we had to all the way downtown to get my car back!
BUT:Good thing we got it out of the crusher before it was too late.
PAZ:Too late! It's half the size it used to be, it's like riding in a clown car!
BUT: I thought you always wanted a compact car.
PAZ:Let's stop for some java on the way.
BUT:Good idea, I could use a boost.
BARRISTA:Welcome to Fastbucks, what can I get you?
PAZ:I'll have the gigunda espressolicious mocha-java half caf decaf avacado frappé with a grapefruit twist.
BUT:Give me the ultra-monstrous brussel sprout tilapia caramel
Macchiato with a dash of anchovie paste.
PAZ: Hmm, looks like this is the building. Figures this guy would live on the 180th floor.
THREE HOURS LATER
SOMETHING ABOUT THEM CLIMBING STAIRS,WHY COULDN'T THEY TAKE THE ELEVATOR?
PAZ:The door's been dummy locked
BUT: Great, now we'll never get in!
PAZ:If we only had a dummy.
BLI:You axed for me Mr. Pazlo?
PAZ:Blinds you festering cesspit, what are YOU doing here?
BLI: Selling cheese door to door and breaking into offices, see?
PAZ:Alright Blinds, since you're such a smarty pants, you get to go in first.
BLI:Ok Pazlo, don't shove
BUT: Whew! Who cut the cheese?
BLI:That'd be me, can I interest you in some
Venezuelan llama cheese?
PAZ:I'll bet some of that Titicaca Bleu would go down nice
BUT:I think I'll try the Cambodian Camembert
BLI:Look! It's Dankeschön, he's kicked the bucket!
PAZ:Omg! It stinks,Who died in here?! (noticing body) Oh, sorry.
BUT:Paz, look what's in the bucket!
PAZ:Lemon meringue,bleu cheese, maple walnut, mackerel sushi, on two hickory smoked emu breasts in a rhubarb wrap.
BLI: The Dolly Parton Special!
PAZ: He's been poisoned!
BUT:The cholesterol alone...
PAZ:What I wonder is who...
BUT:Put the bop in the bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop?
PAZ:No. What I was wondering was...
BLI:Who put the dip in the dip-Di-dip-Di-dip?
PAZ:No, stop that!
ReplyDeleteBLI:Di-dip.
PAZ:Shut up Blinds! You know what I don't understand ?
BUT:Quantum Physics?
PAZ:No. You know what I don't get?
BLI:A good percentage on your short term loans?
BOTH: Shut up Binds!
DOOR OPENS
LAT: Oh, I hope I'm not interrupt...what is that rancid stench?
PAZ: That would be Blinds.
BLI: I'm a cheese monger, see?
LAT: My name is Latrina Maycaca.
PAZ: So now we're doing bathroom humor, what could be worse?
BLI: These two politicians walk into a bar...
ALL:SHUT UP BLINDS!
PAZ: Excuse the interruption Miss Maycaca, but what ARE you doing here?
LAT: I came to see my john, I mean client,ahem, my fiancé , Dieter. Is that, OMG, is he dead?
BUT: I'm afraid so ma'am.
LAT: I guess I'll have to change the dinner plans, I mean, how awful!
Did someone call the police?
PAZ: We're all over that Miss Maycaca. (Whispers) Butto, call the cops!
BUT: (Whispers back) But Marsh is frying big fish.
PAZ: (Whispers)Just do it! So Miss Maycaca,
LAT:Call me Latrina.
PAZ: Latrina, I've noticed an air about you, what is it that you do do ?
LAT:I'm a, uh, secretary, yes, thats it, for Guano Brothers, downtown.
PAZ: Guano brothers?
LAT: Guano Brothers, the name you can trust for all your guano needs. Remember Guano brothers; "We're number one at number two!" (Tee hee)
PAZ: Yeah, great, back to the bathroom humor.
BLI: Don't flush too fast!
PAZ: Shut up Blinds, that was from a totally different episode.
BLI: Was it?
PAZ: What's that supposed to mean?
BLI: I don't know, you tell me!
PAZ: You tell me.
BLI: No, you tell me!
BUT: I'll tell you both to shut up if it'll move the plot along.
LAT:Why don't we talk about this over dinner?
BUT:Shouldn't we wait 'til the cops show up?
PAZ:Alright! Dinner for two, I know a great place, do you like
Albanian/Haitian/McDonald's fusion?
BUT:Hey, what about us?
PAZ:You'll have to get your own date Butto, this is serious investigative work.
BUT:Investigative my ass!
BLI:Her ass you mean.
PAZ:Shut up Blinds!
4 HOURS LATER
LAT:Oh Pazlo, this is E.Coli, the most exclusive restaurant in the city. You didn't tell me you had reservations!
PAZ: The only reservations I had was coming to this dump.
LAT:I don't understand why we had to drive over here in a golf cart.
PAZ:It's not a golf cart, it's a compact!
MAIT: Bonsoir madam et...Pazlo.
PAZ:(gasp) The Maitre d'! We haven't seen you since episode 1!
MAIT:I've been working, you know how eet ees, you must pay zee cable et moi eye phone, cest incroiable! Now, do you have le reservation, hmm?
PAZ: I,uh, had it somewhere.
Maybe I left it in my other coat.
MAIT: I see.
BUT: Excuse us.
PAZ:Butto, Blinds, what are YOU TWO doing here?
BUT:We have reservations.
MAIT:Ah, Monsieur Butto, how nice to see you again, et Monsieur Blinds. You're usual table?
BUT:Thanks Frank, that'll be great.
PAZ:How about a nice table for the lady and me, you know something dark and cozy?
MAIT: I have just zee thing.
Right next to zee Kitchen.
SOMEHOW THEY ALL END UP AT THE SAME TABLE HOW ABOUT OLD PAZLO RESTAURANT SCENE IN BG AS BG RESTAURANT NOISES.
BUT:Hmmm, we proudly serve Mom Mocady's Malted Monkey Bread, now with 50% more monkey
PAZ:I'll have the hedgehog ceviche with creméed toadstools
for an appetizer and the maple-guava walrus steak, medium rare, a side of the sardine and merangue mashed potatoes and broccoli.
LAT: I'll try the lemon meringue,bleu cheese, maple walnut, mackerel sushi, on two hickory smoked emu breasts in a rhubarb wrap
ReplyDeleteMAIT: Ah, zee Dolly Parton special, excellent choice madam.
LAT: Oh, I'm no madam, but I work for one.
BLI: Oh, it's me? Ummm, I never know what to get!
I think I'll try the snicker doodle-Weiner schnitzel and the
Wasabi warthog cheeks with mocha-caramel camel chunks.
BUT: I guess I'll have the Portugese Man o' war flambé,
Seagull beaks & claws au gratin
And Moroccan Malarky on the side.
PAZ:How can you afford to pay for all this on your salary?
BUT: Fastercard, how else.
PAZ: I didn't know you had a...Hey, wait a minute!
BUT:Here comes the waiter with our wine.
WAIT: Hola, I am jour waiter, Loco Conqueso
PAZ:You have got to be kidding me.
BLI:I like him!
LOCO:I have brought jour vino,
Eet ees de good stuff
PAZ:How do you know?
LOCO: Eet says so on de bottle.
PAZ:I say poppycock! Not often, it's kind of hard to work it into the conversation.
PAZ:Coffee's so thick you can eat it with a fork.
BUT:Yes, yes, it's an age old story, the cheese stands alone.
BLI:Cheese it, the cops!
BUT:I thought Marsh was on vacation?
PAZ:Blinds, put down that Limburger it's loaded!
Everybody down!
BLI:What? (Huge explosion)
PAZ:Koff, koff, is everyone ok?
BLI:I'm not
PAZ:Blinds, you're still alive? I guess we should call an ambulance
BUT:Aww, do I have to?
THEY CATCH THE MAITRE WHO BROUGHT THE CHEESE
PAZ: Alright, spill! Who are you working for?
MAIT; You’ll never get me to parlez-vous Pazlo, no matter how you roll zee dice, I’ll never tell!
PAZ:If this keeps up it'll be bedtime for Bonzo!
PAZ:Enough about Regenomics, we gotta get out of here!
BUT:That’s as bad as the time you were taking those tuba lessons by mail.
BUT:Blah, blah, blah..número UNO
PAZ:This isn't a card game Butto
BLI:Yahtzee!
PAZ:Shut up Blinds!
BLI:No, Dr Yahtzee!
PAZ:Dr. Yahtzee? I thought he was the Bulgarian cleaning woman?
BUT:And just how do you know what a hungarian cleaning woman looks like?
PAZ:Not Hungarian, Bulgarian!
You know, overweight, smells like garlic & beets, has a mustache.
BUT:Beets have mustaches?
PAZ:Not the point!
YAH:Greetings Herr Pazlo.
PAZ:Dr. Yahtzee!
YAH:The same. It has been a long time since...high school.
PAZ:How did you find us?
YAH:I saw your rediculous go-cart parked outside.
PAZ:It's not a go-cart, it's a compact!
YAH: "It is time to get der show on das autobahn
YAH:You'll change your tune, when I've tied you to my rollicking Carousel of Death!
(Carousel music in bg).
BUT:You'll never get away with this!
BLI:I...I won't?
PAZ:Not you you idiot, HIM!
BLI:I want to ride the pink elephant!
PAZ:Blinds, if you don't shut up you're gonna look like you barely survived a movie premier in Colorado!
BUT:I'm getting dizzy, I think I'm gonna hurl!
PAZ:Y'know, money, bread, clams, moolah, dough, greenbacks, bucks, cash
MAR:None of that jiggery-pokery Hoi-poloi humpty-dumpty stuff
YAH:I'm well aware of your foibles
PAZ:Hey, you leave my foibles out of this!
PAZ:And what's that got to do with the price of cheese in China?
SMACK!
BLI:Oh! My bicuspid!
PAZ:Butto, you punched Blinds!
BUT:Well, somebody had to.
(On checking out Latrina's bust)
I'll bet you're a good swimmer
I slept like a boobie, I mean a baby
She's keeping me abreast of the situation
Do you want a bust in the mouth?
Cowporklamb. Like Turducken
ReplyDeleteShorter than a Japanese quadruple amputee midget with rickets.
With Klaus Von Buelo as Dr Yahtzee!
Mr Pazlo, there's a Rastafarian here to see you.
(door opens)
You're not a Rastafarian!
You're no Bob Marley yourself fella!
Skinny Cow. Laughing Cow cheese. (Scrawny Snickering Miniature Cow with Rickets Cheese)
Iadora Tiara. The Lady is a tramp, a bum, a hobo, the French guy plays Blinds.
ReplyDelete"A Fistful of Meatloaf"
Hog lard now in razorback or peccary in the 5, 10 or 20lb family size vat.
ReplyDeleteNew Villain: The Maitre'd
W/outrageous French accent
OR Maitre'E, son of Maitre'd.
Blah, blah, blah...Mom Mocady's
Malarkey fortified with vitamins H,I,J,K &L
Now with pink slime!
(Disclaimer about all the horrible side effects)
Ow! My head!, I think I broke my medusa anaconda!
What I wonder is...
Who'll stop the rain?
One more from you and I'll...
At some point they end up at a restaurant where they encounter the Maitre'd. He's working the take out window at a burger joint where our heroes order voluminous amounts of disgusting foods and are taken prisoner.
Does the Maitre'd kill his victims through poison?
Dr. Yahtzee!
The same. It has been a long time since...high school.
This is my associate Sazuki Kyzashi.
Gesundheit.
I get that all the time.
(every time someone says Kyzashi
It's followed by "bless you", whatever. Or "That's kooky".)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJust like shootin' monkeys in a barrel.
ReplyDeleteHow do they get those monkey's in there anyway?
Who's in charge of Monkey-barreling?
Isn't it supposed to be fish?
Don't be ridiculous, you can't stuff monkey's in a fish!
She's in the berthing car
ReplyDeleteHaving a baby?
No, a Pullman
She couldn't have a Pullman, for gods sake look at the size of her!
The dining car scene
ReplyDeleteThe dining car scene?
Le scene of Le dine?
Tex Steerhorn the Cattle Barn
ReplyDeleteMai Fro Ap
Hu Yu
Sister Mary Brother
Get this man a pail
This is my horrid wife
How do I do what
Bola Gaspacho
ReplyDeleteJuan Mortime
ReplyDeleteBUT: I'm reading some mystery books to enhance my detective prowess!
ReplyDeletePAZ: Detective novels?
BUT: Sure, it's a trilogy; The Detective Who Grew Some Bamboo, The Detective Who Set Himself on Fire and The Detective Who Was Allergic to Bee Stings.
PAZ: I worry about you Butto..
There's no I in team
ReplyDeleteThere's no e in idiot, no wait a minute.
Your father fills creme donuts!
ReplyDeleteHey, watch that, he's my father
Oh Yeah? Your mother!
Hey! That's MY mother you're talking about!
He's such a clown!
ReplyDeleteWhere?!
Where what?
Where's the clown? I hate clowns
Walk like a clown, talk like a clown & dress like a clown, you must be a clown.
ReplyDeleteI can't help it, I'm foreign
ReplyDeleteWhat are you drunk?
ReplyDeleteWhat? No!
Give him a breathalyzer!
Here pee into this cup
No!