Scene 11: My kingdom for a script

(SFX: papers rustling & numerous people talking in the studio.)

BUT: During the commercial, we tried to figure out which revisions of the scripts we had. I had 37, so I'm sure it was the last, but some people just couldn't accept that.

PAZ: Aren't you supposed to turn on the reverb when you do a voiceover?

BUT: Oh yeah, (SFX: cell phone ring tone), just a sec. Yes, hello, B & B Productions, how can I help you?

PAZ: B & B? Don't you mean GWP?

KATrina Novarolska: What am I doing here, blinds? I don't find myself in this episode. (SFX: cell ring tone) Yes, hello and dovistrenya, this is Katia Novasell.

PAZ: What? Katrina Novarolska? Is she even in this?

KAT: It's Katia Novasell now. Excuse your now, won't you please?

BUT: Sorry 'bout that. Where were we?

PAZ: Look at that, Katty Novarolska's here!

BUT: Is she even in this one?

PAZ: I dunno (SFX: cell ring tone) ...what's that? Oh, that's me. Just a minute. Aloha, Pazlo & Butto Investigations and dog-walking service, specializing in home delivery and no job too small, what can I do for you?

DIRector: Okay, quiet please, we're about to take scene eleven again. (SFX: cell ring tone) Oh, standby. Take five, please.

MARsh: Well Paz, somehow you've managed to get another case.

PAZ: That case isn't mine. I think it's Dean's.

MAR: I mean a paying client for your little investigator business. (SFX: cell ring tone) Oh. Important call, BRB.

As the scene progresses, each individual's cell phone rings, followed by answering and a one-sided conversation. This continues to layer with people getting a bit louder to be heard over the din, until it culminates in such cocophony that nothing can be heard.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL.

PAZ: (SFX Reverb) By the time the commercials were over everyone had decided to put their cell phones away.

SFX: Cell phone rings.

BLI: Oops, my bad.

PAZ: As I was saying, the cell phones were put away and we were determined to solve out latest case.

BUT: So Cat Lady, what brings you pussy-footing around here? (Aside: You like how I did that, it's ad libbing!)

PAZ: It's not ad-libbing, you deliberately stole my line!

BUT: Spoil-sport.

PAZ: So Cat Lady, what brings you pussy-footing around here?  Now thats's the way to deliver a line.

BUT: Like two months at the community play house qualifies you as an actor?

PAZ: Not this again, it's almost as bad as arguing with the car!

KAT: In my country we do not argue with smart car, we crush it's will to live then turn it into tractor.

BLI: (yells) My feather duster!

KAT: Duster vuz not smart car! Decrepit Iron!

PAZ: You mean DETROIT Iron.

KAT: Thank you, Meek.

BLI: (yells) My feather duster!

BUT: Blinds, you snivelling pest, what revision do you have?

BLI: (yells) Look out for that piano!

KAT: Or Unimog...

BUT: So....Kat Lady, what brings you to Sin City?

KAT: Sincity Natti? I thought vee ver in Puff Keeps Eye.

BUT: Uh, that's Poughkeepsie.

KAT: Not Sincity Natti?

BLI: You mean Cincinatti.

KAT: I knew it! Butcher lied!

BUT: What? (SFX: cell ring tone) Opps,...uh...just a minute...Hello, B & B Productions, this is...oh, hi!

PAZ: So Kat lady, what brings you to Sin City?

BLI: You mean Cincinatti.

KAT: You meen Putin Keepsie (SFX: ring tones) Oh, excusing please...Dovitz, Katia Novasell

PAZ: Cincinatti?

BLI: (SFX: ring tones) She couldn't have a Cincinatti...oh, excuse me.... hello, B & B Productions..

PAZ: What? What do you mean (SFX: ring tones)..sunnuva...hello. Hello? Mom?

DIR: (booth speaker) If you idiots don't shut off your cell phones we're never gonna (SFX: ring tones), what? Oh, hello.

BUT: So, Paz, ready to go and get started on this case.

PAZ: That's not my case, it's Dean's.

BUT: I mean OUR case, the investigation, remember?

PAZ: Oh, that.

BLI: You'll never take me alive!

BUT & PAZ: Blinds, you neanderthalic nincompoop, what revision do you have?

BLI: I dunno, it's 4.66 I think, well, wait, this part is 4.66 and this is 13.32. Wait, maybe I have these out of order...

PAZ: No, YOU"RE out of order!

BUT: Uh, wrong script. I think that's copyrighted...

PAZ: Wouldn't that be copy-written, if it's past tense?

BUT: It's not write it's right.

PAZ: What?

BUT: It's right, not write. It's not the past tense.

PAZ: But it ends with "E-D".

BLI: He's right it's past tense.

PAZ: Thanks, Blinds.

BUT: Hello! It's copyright, a compound word. Copy -- Righted---

KAT: Vas it upside downside?

BUT: Copyrighted! Copyrighted! How could we be in the script-writing business if we don't know what copyrighted means?

PAZ: We're not in the script business. We don't know anything about pharmaceuticals...

KAT: My grandfather has pharmaceutical. Goat farmaceutical. Makes much cheese...

DIR: Any chance we could get back to taking this scene?

BUT: Just a sec. What revision do you have there, Paz?

(paper shuffling and searching, multiple characters saying revision numbers, paper tearing, oops.)

DIR: Alright, alright, let's try to get settled (SFX: ring tones)

Multiple ring tones go off all at the same time, and the whole thing reaches a tremendous cocophony before cutting to commercial.

Scene 88: Automated Auto

PAZ:  Alright. We need to get to work fast..

BUT: But we don't even have a case yet, we didn't even do the backstory bit.

PAZ: Yeah, well, I guess the company got hold of a commercial kitchen for a day, and we're going to do the dining car scene.

BUT: The dining car scene? There's no dining- - There's no train in this episode.

PAZ: Well, a restaurant scene then, I dunno. C'mon, here's my new wheels. (thunking door handle of a door not opening.).

BUT: What restaurant scene? Which revision do you have now? Did you miss re-write this morning.

PAZ: Zuzu, please unlock the doors. How was I supposed to know there was a meeting this morning.
BUT: There's a meeting every..

PAZ: (louder) Zuzu, unlock the doors.

BUT: Zuzu?

PAZ: Haven't you ever seen a Bogey movie?

ZUZ: Please setup user name and password.

PAZ: Oh, for the love of Mike. Not this again.

ZUZ: Oh, for the love of Mike. Please select for password.

PAZ: What?

ZUZ: Password set: What?

PAZ: What?

ZUZ: System locked.

PAZ: Unlock the doors.

ZUZ: I'm sorry For the love of Mike Not this again, please use command protocol.

PAZ: Zuzu, unlock the doors. (doors unlock)

ZUZ: Good morning For the love of Mike not this again, the weather is fair to partly cloudy. The temperature is 72 degrees.

PAZ: Get in Butto. And don't touch anything. Zuzu, start engines.

ZUZ: Engine. There is only one engine FortheloveofMikenothisagain.

BUT: What? The car corrects you?

PAZ: It's supposed to be like grammar and spell check. teach you how to talk right.

ZUZ: Speak well, FortheloveofMikenotthisagain. The correct phrase is not "talk right".

(SFX: Car starts, driveway, driving, traffic, etc.)

PAZ: Zuzu, music, please. Play music, Garden Variety Gnomes, track one.

ZUZ: I'm sorry, FortheloveofMikenotthisagain, I did not understand your command. Please try phrasing in the form of a question.

PAZ: Zuzu, would you play Garden Variety Gnomes track one?

ZUZ: I would not. That song blows.

PAZ: Excuse me?

ZUZ: I'm sorry Fortheloveof Mikenotthisagain, I did not understand your query. Please rephrase the question in English.

BUT: Isn't that your turn coming up on the..

ZUZ: Right turn in two-tenths mile.

BUT: ...on the right. Shouldn't you be moving..

ZUZ: Move to right lane when able to do so.

PAZ: I'm going over Dillihandy.

BUT: You don't want that it's full of..

ZUZ: Construction on Dillihandy. Traffic is slow, traffic is stop and go. Seek alternate route. Move to right lane when able to do so.

BUT: So have you rehearsed the restaurant scene yet? Did I miss something.

PAZ: Rehearse? All we have to do is eat.

ZUZ: Move right soon, or you will miss your. You are moving left. Move right. Move right.

PAZ: Shut up Zuzu, I'm going downtown..

ZUZ: Windows up. (SFX: WINDOWS)

PAZ: It's too hot for that, Zuzu, lower the..

ZUZ: Heat on two. You have missed your turn. Travel to destination will take approximately eighteen minutes longer now.

PAZ: Thanks, turn off the heat, it's getting hot in here.

ZUZ: Heat on, rear. Travel time to destination eighteen minutes longer than the route I picked.
PAZ: What?

BUT: You know there's usually no real food when we tape a restaurant scene..

PAZ: Did the car just snipe at me? Oh, yeah. The wax food. Let's wheel by Mom Mocady's on the way for some burritos and souvlaki. Zuzu: plot a course for Mom Mocady's.

ZUZ: I'm sorry Fortheloveof Mikenotthisagain, I did not understand your command. Please rephrase in the form of a que-que-que-que-que-que-que please - love - mike- understand - query- please check your battery.

PAZ: Hey, the turn signals stopped working.

BUT: You're going right past

ZUZ: You are passing Mom Mocady's. Make a u-turn when  you u u u u u u uu uu  uuuu uu reset user name

PAZ: Sunnuva.. I knew this would...

ZUZ: SunnavaIknewthiswould accepted. Please set password. Enter old password.

PAZ: Well, if I already have an old password, why do I.

BUT: You passed Mom's again. What are you doing?

ZUZ: Please enter access code. Windows up. Heat on. Engine off. Systems off. (SFX: noise winds down to silence, BG: traffic noise)

PAZ: So, here we are.

BUT: Here we are? We're stopped right in the lane!

PAZ: Never mind that. We need to make tracks or we'll miss the breakfast special.

BUT: Don't you wonder how we get any investigating done?

PAZ: Wonder? Whadya mean?

BUT: What do you mean What do I mean? It's a pretty straightforward cogitation.

PAZ: Well, we're working now, for instance.

BUT: Walking to the taco stand is working?

PAZ: You know we must be fed. Besides, it's time for the commercial.

BUT: Commercial! Yes! Money money money!

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