Episode 37.1, Part 3

FADE IN---

SFX: Restaurant Scene

BUT: (Voiceover): We finally arrived at the Brown Derby at seven, where we'd arranged to have Marsh for dinner. To dinner. Dinner with Marsh. Me, Paz, Blinds and Marsh at dinner in the Brown Derby. The restaurant, not the hat.

PAZ: What the hell are you saying?

BUT: Wow. Those were some great almonds...

PAZ: And why are you doing the narrative again? We've been through this before. The name of the show? "Mick Pazlo"? Remember?

BLI: Yeah, flatfoot, since when do you get the narratives?

PAZ: Look, short stack, I don't need your help.

BLI: Listen up, Smart guy, you can't push me around.

PAZ: Back off four-eyes, or feel the wrath.

BLI: Hey, hiwaters, expecting a flood?

PAZ: Keep it up, carrot top, and you'll get yours.

BLI: I already got mine there, bucky. See?

(ALL SCREAM. UNISON): BLINDS! Put down that relish tray!

BUT: And pass the breadsticks.

(SFX machine is still malfunctioning and inserts entirely innappropriate noises here.)

PAZ: I'll take the narrative now.

BUT: Well, there's something we should talk about...

BLI: Don't move, or you'll do push-ups in daisies!

PAZ: (paper shuffling): What? Where's that. Do you have that?

BUT: What Rev are you on?

BLI: I've got 11-26 here.

PAZ: You idiot, there's no 11- 26! Everyone knows that, pea-brain.

BLI: Shut your fat gob, fish breath. It says right here...11, then here 26.

PAZ: Hah! That's parsley, freckle-face!

BUT: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Stop your incessant fighting or you'll both get canned!

PAZ: We are near Cannery Row...

BUT: And your wise-crack ad-libs. This show is way over budget already, YOU already cost us one sponsor, YOU almost cost us another, and I'm not going to stand for this!

PAZ: Well, why don't you sit down then?

BUT: Oh, thanks. Corns. Hurt like mad.

PAZ: Corn?

BLI: Look out for that bison!

BUT:(grabbing paper) Give me that script! Here. Take mine. Now sit down and shut up 'til your cue comes up. Follow along with your finger if you have to. And YOU look at your menu and decide what to order. I wonder where Marsh is.

BUT: (Voiceover): This wasn't good. We'd waited for over an hour and still no sign of Marsh. We've had some bad cases, but this one smelled the worst.

PAZ: Maybe he's still in the studio. Remember he's in scene eleven and we never explain why he's on the east coast for like three minutes then he's back in California.

BLI: The magic of radio!

BUT:(Voiceover) We hailed a cab to take us to Marsh's apartment on the north side of town. As we rolled I tried Marsh's home, office and cell numbers, and got voicemail at all of them. After several minutes of explaining the difference between "fare" and "fair" and using it too many times in one scene, we arrived at Marsh's apartment complex.

PAZ: Wait! Wait! I want to hear the "fare" "fair" bit.

BLI: You know that doesn't make sense unless you're looking at the printed pages...

PAZ: What do you mean? I don't even have it. What's the Rev number on that?

BUT: Hmm. Kensington Road. Been a long time since we've seen these hills, eh old bean?

PAZ: Bhutto! Look! That jar's a jar.

BUT: Door.

PAZ: Oh. Yeah, that door's a door! Let's go!

BLI: You mean "that door's ajar." Can't you read, fiddle head?

BUT: It's Marsh's apartment.

PAZ: It's been ruck-sacked!

BLI: You mean ranshackle.

PAZ: Don't step in that! It could be evidence!

BUT: You both mean ransacked. (calling out):Marsh! Are you here? Marsh? It's Bhutto & Pazlo.

PAZ: (calling out) He means Pazlo & Bhutto. He must have a bad revision.

BUT:(still calling out) I have the last revision. Some old timers just don't realize when they've been bought out.

PAZ: (still calling out) No idea about that. Marsh has been traded?

BUT:(still calling out) That last transaction puts my stock ownership at 53% in the production company, so basically I'm in charge.

PAZ:(still calling out, less enthusiatically) But the show has my name on it. Besides it's a corporation...

BUT: (more of a mock calling out than real) It's a private corporation. Majority rule. I own a majority, with only two other shareholders.

PAZ: (no longer calling out, but talking as if doing so) And I own 14%...

BUT: ("   "           "          "         "         "          "       ) and Blinds the other 33%.

PAZ: Sooo..."B & B Productions" is... (crashing to floor passing out)

BLI: Come on Pazlo, lazy louie, get up and help find Marsh!

BUT: It might have been too much for the old guy. That might have been a grabber.

BLI: Commercial sign! The break light is on!

BUT: Hey, that would be another good bit! "Brake" and "break".!

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Break

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SFX: (Darth Vader noises)

BUT: Blinds, put down the bong and get over here!

BLI: Woah! Good almonds.

BUT: Help me pick up Pazlo.  Hmm seems to've gained a few pounds since our last episode.

PAZ: What happened?

BLI: You keeled over like a ferry full of geriatric passengers.

PAZ: I remember, I had this terrible dream that you and Butto were running My show!

BUT: Umm Paz? We are.

PAZ: But what happened?

BLI: Are you mental? I told you you keeled over!

PAZ: No, not that, how did you two side kicks get in charge?

BUT: While you were watching skirts and martinis, we were watching our stock options.

PAZ: That's just wrong, this can't be happening!

SFX: Door opens/shuts

BUT: Who's that?

PAZ: I hope it's a script girl with a new revision, this one bites!

BUT:That won't change the fact that I am número UNO

PAZ:This isn't a card game Butto

BLI:Yahtzee!

PAZ:Shut up Blinds! 

BLI: But it’s Dr. Yahtzee!

BUT:Dr. Yahtzee? I thought he was the Bulgarian cleaning woman?

PAZ:And just how do you know what a Hungarian cleaning woman looks like?

BUT:Not Hungarian, Bulgarian! You know, overweight, smells like garlic & beets, has a mustache. 

PAZ:Beets have mustaches?

BLI:Not the point!

CLEAN: No, not Yahtzee, Yahtchezka, cleaning woman of Bulgaria.

I brought new script. Revision 42 & 2/3.

PAZ: Whew, that was close, I thought we were goners for sure.

SFX: Door crashing open.

COP: FREEZE!  Everybody put your hands in the air.

You, the ugly one in the stupid clothes, stop with the jazz hands or I'll pump you full of lead!

BLI: Party pooper.

Scene 88: Automated Auto

PAZ:  Alright. We need to get to work fast..

BUT: But we don't even have a case yet, we didn't even do the backstory bit.

PAZ: Yeah, well, I guess the company got hold of a commercial kitchen for a day, and we're going to do the dining car scene.

BUT: The dining car scene? There's no dining- - There's no train in this episode.

PAZ: Well, a restaurant scene then, I dunno. C'mon, here's my new wheels. (thunking door handle of a door not opening.).

BUT: What restaurant scene? Which revision do you have now? Did you miss re-write this morning.

PAZ: Zuzu, please unlock the doors. How was I supposed to know there was a meeting this morning.
BUT: There's a meeting every..

PAZ: (louder) Zuzu, unlock the doors.

BUT: Zuzu?

PAZ: Haven't you ever seen a Bogey movie?

ZUZ: Please setup user name and password.

PAZ: Oh, for the love of Mike. Not this again.

ZUZ: Oh, for the love of Mike. Please select for password.

PAZ: What?

ZUZ: Password set: What?

PAZ: What?

ZUZ: System locked.

PAZ: Unlock the doors.

ZUZ: I'm sorry For the love of Mike Not this again, please use command protocol.

PAZ: Zuzu, unlock the doors. (doors unlock)

ZUZ: Good morning For the love of Mike not this again, the weather is fair to partly cloudy. The temperature is 72 degrees.

PAZ: Get in Butto. And don't touch anything. Zuzu, start engines.

ZUZ: Engine. There is only one engine FortheloveofMikenothisagain.

BUT: What? The car corrects you?

PAZ: It's supposed to be like grammar and spell check. teach you how to talk right.

ZUZ: Speak well, FortheloveofMikenotthisagain. The correct phrase is not "talk right".

(SFX: Car starts, driveway, driving, traffic, etc.)

PAZ: Zuzu, music, please. Play music, Garden Variety Gnomes, track one.

ZUZ: I'm sorry, FortheloveofMikenotthisagain, I did not understand your command. Please try phrasing in the form of a question.

PAZ: Zuzu, would you play Garden Variety Gnomes track one?

ZUZ: I would not. That song blows.

PAZ: Excuse me?

ZUZ: I'm sorry Fortheloveof Mikenotthisagain, I did not understand your query. Please rephrase the question in English.

BUT: Isn't that your turn coming up on the..

ZUZ: Right turn in two-tenths mile.

BUT: ...on the right. Shouldn't you be moving..

ZUZ: Move to right lane when able to do so.

PAZ: I'm going over Dillihandy.

BUT: You don't want that it's full of..

ZUZ: Construction on Dillihandy. Traffic is slow, traffic is stop and go. Seek alternate route. Move to right lane when able to do so.

BUT: So have you rehearsed the restaurant scene yet? Did I miss something.

PAZ: Rehearse? All we have to do is eat.

ZUZ: Move right soon, or you will miss your. You are moving left. Move right. Move right.

PAZ: Shut up Zuzu, I'm going downtown..

ZUZ: Windows up. (SFX: WINDOWS)

PAZ: It's too hot for that, Zuzu, lower the..

ZUZ: Heat on two. You have missed your turn. Travel to destination will take approximately eighteen minutes longer now.

PAZ: Thanks, turn off the heat, it's getting hot in here.

ZUZ: Heat on, rear. Travel time to destination eighteen minutes longer than the route I picked.
PAZ: What?

BUT: You know there's usually no real food when we tape a restaurant scene..

PAZ: Did the car just snipe at me? Oh, yeah. The wax food. Let's wheel by Mom Mocady's on the way for some burritos and souvlaki. Zuzu: plot a course for Mom Mocady's.

ZUZ: I'm sorry Fortheloveof Mikenotthisagain, I did not understand your command. Please rephrase in the form of a que-que-que-que-que-que-que please - love - mike- understand - query- please check your battery.

PAZ: Hey, the turn signals stopped working.

BUT: You're going right past

ZUZ: You are passing Mom Mocady's. Make a u-turn when  you u u u u u u uu uu  uuuu uu reset user name

PAZ: Sunnuva.. I knew this would...

ZUZ: SunnavaIknewthiswould accepted. Please set password. Enter old password.

PAZ: Well, if I already have an old password, why do I.

BUT: You passed Mom's again. What are you doing?

ZUZ: Please enter access code. Windows up. Heat on. Engine off. Systems off. (SFX: noise winds down to silence, BG: traffic noise)

PAZ: So, here we are.

BUT: Here we are? We're stopped right in the lane!

PAZ: Never mind that. We need to make tracks or we'll miss the breakfast special.

BUT: Don't you wonder how we get any investigating done?

PAZ: Wonder? Whadya mean?

BUT: What do you mean What do I mean? It's a pretty straightforward cogitation.

PAZ: Well, we're working now, for instance.

BUT: Walking to the taco stand is working?

PAZ: You know we must be fed. Besides, it's time for the commercial.

BUT: Commercial! Yes! Money money money!

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