Scene 11: My kingdom for a script

(SFX: papers rustling & numerous people talking in the studio.)

BUT: During the commercial, we tried to figure out which revisions of the scripts we had. I had 37, so I'm sure it was the last, but some people just couldn't accept that.

PAZ: Aren't you supposed to turn on the reverb when you do a voiceover?

BUT: Oh yeah, (SFX: cell phone ring tone), just a sec. Yes, hello, B & B Productions, how can I help you?

PAZ: B & B? Don't you mean GWP?

KATrina Novarolska: What am I doing here, blinds? I don't find myself in this episode. (SFX: cell ring tone) Yes, hello and dovistrenya, this is Katia Novasell.

PAZ: What? Katrina Novarolska? Is she even in this?

KAT: It's Katia Novasell now. Excuse your now, won't you please?

BUT: Sorry 'bout that. Where were we?

PAZ: Look at that, Katty Novarolska's here!

BUT: Is she even in this one?

PAZ: I dunno (SFX: cell ring tone) ...what's that? Oh, that's me. Just a minute. Aloha, Pazlo & Butto Investigations and dog-walking service, specializing in home delivery and no job too small, what can I do for you?

DIRector: Okay, quiet please, we're about to take scene eleven again. (SFX: cell ring tone) Oh, standby. Take five, please.

MARsh: Well Paz, somehow you've managed to get another case.

PAZ: That case isn't mine. I think it's Dean's.

MAR: I mean a paying client for your little investigator business. (SFX: cell ring tone) Oh. Important call, BRB.

As the scene progresses, each individual's cell phone rings, followed by answering and a one-sided conversation. This continues to layer with people getting a bit louder to be heard over the din, until it culminates in such cocophony that nothing can be heard.
CUT TO COMMERCIAL.

PAZ: (SFX Reverb) By the time the commercials were over everyone had decided to put their cell phones away.

SFX: Cell phone rings.

BLI: Oops, my bad.

PAZ: As I was saying, the cell phones were put away and we were determined to solve out latest case.

BUT: So Cat Lady, what brings you pussy-footing around here? (Aside: You like how I did that, it's ad libbing!)

PAZ: It's not ad-libbing, you deliberately stole my line!

BUT: Spoil-sport.

PAZ: So Cat Lady, what brings you pussy-footing around here?  Now thats's the way to deliver a line.

BUT: Like two months at the community play house qualifies you as an actor?

PAZ: Not this again, it's almost as bad as arguing with the car!

KAT: In my country we do not argue with smart car, we crush it's will to live then turn it into tractor.

BLI: (yells) My feather duster!

KAT: Duster vuz not smart car! Decrepit Iron!

PAZ: You mean DETROIT Iron.

KAT: Thank you, Meek.

BLI: (yells) My feather duster!

BUT: Blinds, you snivelling pest, what revision do you have?

BLI: (yells) Look out for that piano!

KAT: Or Unimog...

BUT: So....Kat Lady, what brings you to Sin City?

KAT: Sincity Natti? I thought vee ver in Puff Keeps Eye.

BUT: Uh, that's Poughkeepsie.

KAT: Not Sincity Natti?

BLI: You mean Cincinatti.

KAT: I knew it! Butcher lied!

BUT: What? (SFX: cell ring tone) Opps,...uh...just a minute...Hello, B & B Productions, this is...oh, hi!

PAZ: So Kat lady, what brings you to Sin City?

BLI: You mean Cincinatti.

KAT: You meen Putin Keepsie (SFX: ring tones) Oh, excusing please...Dovitz, Katia Novasell

PAZ: Cincinatti?

BLI: (SFX: ring tones) She couldn't have a Cincinatti...oh, excuse me.... hello, B & B Productions..

PAZ: What? What do you mean (SFX: ring tones)..sunnuva...hello. Hello? Mom?

DIR: (booth speaker) If you idiots don't shut off your cell phones we're never gonna (SFX: ring tones), what? Oh, hello.

BUT: So, Paz, ready to go and get started on this case.

PAZ: That's not my case, it's Dean's.

BUT: I mean OUR case, the investigation, remember?

PAZ: Oh, that.

BLI: You'll never take me alive!

BUT & PAZ: Blinds, you neanderthalic nincompoop, what revision do you have?

BLI: I dunno, it's 4.66 I think, well, wait, this part is 4.66 and this is 13.32. Wait, maybe I have these out of order...

PAZ: No, YOU"RE out of order!

BUT: Uh, wrong script. I think that's copyrighted...

PAZ: Wouldn't that be copy-written, if it's past tense?

BUT: It's not write it's right.

PAZ: What?

BUT: It's right, not write. It's not the past tense.

PAZ: But it ends with "E-D".

BLI: He's right it's past tense.

PAZ: Thanks, Blinds.

BUT: Hello! It's copyright, a compound word. Copy -- Righted---

KAT: Vas it upside downside?

BUT: Copyrighted! Copyrighted! How could we be in the script-writing business if we don't know what copyrighted means?

PAZ: We're not in the script business. We don't know anything about pharmaceuticals...

KAT: My grandfather has pharmaceutical. Goat farmaceutical. Makes much cheese...

DIR: Any chance we could get back to taking this scene?

BUT: Just a sec. What revision do you have there, Paz?

(paper shuffling and searching, multiple characters saying revision numbers, paper tearing, oops.)

DIR: Alright, alright, let's try to get settled (SFX: ring tones)

Multiple ring tones go off all at the same time, and the whole thing reaches a tremendous cocophony before cutting to commercial.

Scene 88: Automated Auto

PAZ:  Alright. We need to get to work fast..

BUT: But we don't even have a case yet, we didn't even do the backstory bit.

PAZ: Yeah, well, I guess the company got hold of a commercial kitchen for a day, and we're going to do the dining car scene.

BUT: The dining car scene? There's no dining- - There's no train in this episode.

PAZ: Well, a restaurant scene then, I dunno. C'mon, here's my new wheels. (thunking door handle of a door not opening.).

BUT: What restaurant scene? Which revision do you have now? Did you miss re-write this morning.

PAZ: Zuzu, please unlock the doors. How was I supposed to know there was a meeting this morning.
BUT: There's a meeting every..

PAZ: (louder) Zuzu, unlock the doors.

BUT: Zuzu?

PAZ: Haven't you ever seen a Bogey movie?

ZUZ: Please setup user name and password.

PAZ: Oh, for the love of Mike. Not this again.

ZUZ: Oh, for the love of Mike. Please select for password.

PAZ: What?

ZUZ: Password set: What?

PAZ: What?

ZUZ: System locked.

PAZ: Unlock the doors.

ZUZ: I'm sorry For the love of Mike Not this again, please use command protocol.

PAZ: Zuzu, unlock the doors. (doors unlock)

ZUZ: Good morning For the love of Mike not this again, the weather is fair to partly cloudy. The temperature is 72 degrees.

PAZ: Get in Butto. And don't touch anything. Zuzu, start engines.

ZUZ: Engine. There is only one engine FortheloveofMikenothisagain.

BUT: What? The car corrects you?

PAZ: It's supposed to be like grammar and spell check. teach you how to talk right.

ZUZ: Speak well, FortheloveofMikenotthisagain. The correct phrase is not "talk right".

(SFX: Car starts, driveway, driving, traffic, etc.)

PAZ: Zuzu, music, please. Play music, Garden Variety Gnomes, track one.

ZUZ: I'm sorry, FortheloveofMikenotthisagain, I did not understand your command. Please try phrasing in the form of a question.

PAZ: Zuzu, would you play Garden Variety Gnomes track one?

ZUZ: I would not. That song blows.

PAZ: Excuse me?

ZUZ: I'm sorry Fortheloveof Mikenotthisagain, I did not understand your query. Please rephrase the question in English.

BUT: Isn't that your turn coming up on the..

ZUZ: Right turn in two-tenths mile.

BUT: ...on the right. Shouldn't you be moving..

ZUZ: Move to right lane when able to do so.

PAZ: I'm going over Dillihandy.

BUT: You don't want that it's full of..

ZUZ: Construction on Dillihandy. Traffic is slow, traffic is stop and go. Seek alternate route. Move to right lane when able to do so.

BUT: So have you rehearsed the restaurant scene yet? Did I miss something.

PAZ: Rehearse? All we have to do is eat.

ZUZ: Move right soon, or you will miss your. You are moving left. Move right. Move right.

PAZ: Shut up Zuzu, I'm going downtown..

ZUZ: Windows up. (SFX: WINDOWS)

PAZ: It's too hot for that, Zuzu, lower the..

ZUZ: Heat on two. You have missed your turn. Travel to destination will take approximately eighteen minutes longer now.

PAZ: Thanks, turn off the heat, it's getting hot in here.

ZUZ: Heat on, rear. Travel time to destination eighteen minutes longer than the route I picked.
PAZ: What?

BUT: You know there's usually no real food when we tape a restaurant scene..

PAZ: Did the car just snipe at me? Oh, yeah. The wax food. Let's wheel by Mom Mocady's on the way for some burritos and souvlaki. Zuzu: plot a course for Mom Mocady's.

ZUZ: I'm sorry Fortheloveof Mikenotthisagain, I did not understand your command. Please rephrase in the form of a que-que-que-que-que-que-que please - love - mike- understand - query- please check your battery.

PAZ: Hey, the turn signals stopped working.

BUT: You're going right past

ZUZ: You are passing Mom Mocady's. Make a u-turn when  you u u u u u u uu uu  uuuu uu reset user name

PAZ: Sunnuva.. I knew this would...

ZUZ: SunnavaIknewthiswould accepted. Please set password. Enter old password.

PAZ: Well, if I already have an old password, why do I.

BUT: You passed Mom's again. What are you doing?

ZUZ: Please enter access code. Windows up. Heat on. Engine off. Systems off. (SFX: noise winds down to silence, BG: traffic noise)

PAZ: So, here we are.

BUT: Here we are? We're stopped right in the lane!

PAZ: Never mind that. We need to make tracks or we'll miss the breakfast special.

BUT: Don't you wonder how we get any investigating done?

PAZ: Wonder? Whadya mean?

BUT: What do you mean What do I mean? It's a pretty straightforward cogitation.

PAZ: Well, we're working now, for instance.

BUT: Walking to the taco stand is working?

PAZ: You know we must be fed. Besides, it's time for the commercial.

BUT: Commercial! Yes! Money money money!

The Adventures of Mr.Pazlo are brought to you by Latimer Latex Corporation, makers of Latimer Latex.
The MX Bug Bomb. Use MX bug bomb, and away goes everything.
KOMA radio.
GWP Productions
Billy "the head" Fermento

Episode 37

Paz (SFX: REV): I sat behind my desk. Behind the same grubby gray desk on another hazy hot July Tuesday...Hey! This the opening from Episode...uh...that one with the, uh...Rainy Day Bomber...NO WAIT! Hallifax! The Hallifax Warehouse Incident? (GETTING EXCITED< LIKE A GAME SHOW CONTESTANT) NO! NO! I GOT IT! Oo!Oo! I Know! ...it was the Ruby Foreshort Case!

(dead silence)

Paz (REV off): What revision do you have, cause I just grabbed this one off the table in the lunch room.

But: I've got Rev3.6. Was there any gespacho dip left?

Paz: What's that, like a watermark? Mine just says Rev3..um.., looks like taco sauce. Mmm. Rev3.1, that does it.

But: I think that's parsley. Right there. That's not a one. Was that from the gespacho dip?

DIR: (SFX: Booth speaker): Get a script person in there! Where's the intern? You two go to scene two, it's set up in studio C.

(SFX:WALKING)

But: Why would we need to use a separate studio for a different scene? This is radio?

Paz: That's the problem with this production company. Who's in charge here?

(SFX: open studio door/enter/close door)

But: That's hardly the point...

(dead silence)

But: That's hardly the point...

(dead silence)

But: I said "That's hardly the point"!

Paz: I was waiting for you to pick up your cue...

But: That was YOUR cue! Don't tell me this scene is screwed up too...

Paz: That's not in my script either.

But: I was speaking off-mic...

Paz: See. I don't have that either. Does your page end with the line "The color of spam, sir."?

But: I wasn't reading from the script!

Paz: I know, we'll both work off the same script (SFX: usual papery noise and --- RIP!)

(SFX: Phone rings) (phone rings once more after Paz answers)

Paz: Pazlo here! (ring) Interns!

(SFX: voice on phone, unintelligible but ridiculous. Ridiculously fast, foreign languages, no pauses while Paz is speaking, screeching high pitch, escalating to noise like kaws)

Paz: Well, our dear old friend Detective Marsh. Retired by now I'd hope. What's that? Van Nuys? Hardly know the guy. Didn't catch what you said there...sounded like "beef to reamo"? "Chiefy reno"? No, sorry.

But: Peachy Keen-o?

Paz: Hello? Marsh? Is this a bad phone connection or a bad sound effect? Where's the intern? Marsh? Hello? (aside) The line's gone dead. Sounded like Marsh was in trouble. What'll we do?

But: Delaware and Kansas, and parts of Alabama.

Paz: What?

But: What? That doesn't make any sense...wait.... (SFX: ruffling paper, etc.) Oh for... you taped the top half of page four to the bottom of page fourteen.

Paz: Oh, I thought that was parsely.

But: I can't find the rest of...what are you wiping your hands with?

Paz: Er...paper towels?

But: All right. I thought someone called for a script girl!

Paz: Script people.

But: What?

Paz: Script people. We're not allowed to call them script girls any more. It's an HR thing.

But: But,..they're ALL GIRLS!

Paz: Not anymore. They're script peoples. Wouldn't want to leave out a gender!

But: Yesh, but I mean they're REALly ALL GIRLS.

Paz: You'll have to stop saying that or I may have to report you.

But: To whom?

Paz: HR Lady.

But: Don't you mean the HR PERSON.

Paz: Of course she's the HR person. Why else would she be called the HR Lady?

But: But shouldn't she be called the HR person?

Paz: She is the HR person. You just don't understand management.

This is only a test

This is only a test, I've never blogged before, I feel like a Neaderthal confronted by pen & paper!

Pazlo & Butto; The Adventures Continue

Here's the idea for a blog site we can both author to. Additionally, we should be able to save drafts and possibly open one another's drafts to edit. We just keep adding pages ad nauseum...er...infinitum, and they'll be archived.
Blog site address is unparallaxview.blogspot.com



Bound for adventure!

Paz