He's as lame as a duck!  Not a metaphorical duck, but a real duck that stepped on a land mine or something.

Katrina: Tings haven't been dis good since Trump administration.

On the Road

How about we switch gears and have the trio cram into Zuzu then drive to California.
As you know from personal experience, this can make for some great humor.

We've got Mastriani's goons on our left, renegade KGB agents on our right. No matter how you look at it we're in a tough spot.
You said it Paz, things haven't been this bad since the Trump administration.

Welcome to Macy's, now offering bullet proof vests in fashionable decorative colors!
Or try our festive holiday collection including our "Ugly Christmas Sweater" line.
We have delightful vests for every member of the family so stop on by for shopping convenience.
Macy's, we're a part of your life.

Woah, Synchronicity! I'm currently reading a book called "The German War" about WWII from the German perspective. It's mainly about what was experienced on the home front while the war went on, food rationing, propaganda and the like, but there's also references to popular movies, plays, music and the whole culture.
Rumors abounded, the general population was kept in the dark as much as possible, but still learned things the government didn't want them to know by listening to the BBC and to Russian radio stations.  All in all its a little dry, but still an interesting read.

Southern sayings

A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end. (be who you are)
Ain't that the berries! (that is great!)
As easy as sliding off a greasy log backward. (very easy)
Barking up the wrong tree. (you are wrong)
Be like the old lady who fell out of the wagon. (you aren't involved, so stay out of it)
Busy as a stump-tailed cow in fly time. (very busy)
Caught with your pants down. (surprised and unprepared)
Chugged full. (full and over-flowing)
Do go on. (you must be joking)
Don't bite off more than you can chew. (attempt what you can accomplish)
Don't count your chickens until they hatch. (first know the results)
Don't let the tail wag the dog. (the cheif is in charge, not the Indians)
Don't let your mouth overload your tail. (talking too much)
Either fish or cut bait. (work or make way for those who will)
Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then. (everyone is sometimes lucky)
Every dog should have a few feas. (no one is perfect)
Fly off the handle. (angry and lashing out)
Get the short end of the stick. (not invited and treated wrong)
Give down the country. (give someone a peice of your mind)
Go hog wild. (have a good time)
Go off half-cocked. (have only half the facts)
Go to bed with the chickens. (in bed early)
Go whole hog. (go for it all)
Gone back on your raisin. (deny heritage)
Got your feathers ruffled. (upset and pouting)
Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. (doesn't grasp or worry what's going on)
Have no axe to grind. (no strong opinion)
Holler like a stuck pig. (someone mislead you)
I do declare. (usually means nothing)
In high cotton. (rising up in society)
In a coon's age. (been a long time)
Like a bump on a log. (lazy and doing nothing)
Like two peas in a pod. (act and think alike)
Mend fences. (settle differences)
Scarce as hen's teeth. (no such thing)
Sight for sore eyes. (Nice to you!)
Stomping grounds. (familiar territory)
Sun don't shine on the same dog's tail all the time. (you'll get what you deserve)
That takes the cake. (surprised)
Too big for one's britches. (someone taking themself too seriously)
Two shakes of a sheep's tail. (done quickly)
Well, shut my mouth. (shocked and speechless)